Review: The Best Commemorative Plates of 2016

As I am sure many of you know, for the last seven years I have been commissioned to write the autumn rundown of the best commemorative plates of the year for Commemorative Plate Collector’s Digest. It’s no groundbreaking news when I tell you that unfortunately, this past year the CPCD closed and ceased publication.

This was due to a growing disinterest in print magazines among the commemorative plate collecting community and also because of the fact that Barbara Ehler, the publication’s matriarch, forgot the password to her AOL email address.

Well don’t call me a hero, but even though CPCD is done, I still feel a need and desire to make sure that today’s commemorative plate collectors have a guide to work with in figuring out the best plates in today’s plate collector landscape.

So in order of 5 (the least but still impressive) to 1 (the one plate you would procure if you were only allowed to procure one plate this year) here are my selections.

5. The Anita Baker Commemorative Plate.

Well let’s not kid ourselves, we all love Anita Baker. I thought she showed so much strength when she stood beside her husband during that Reagan assassination attempt. The fact that she still went to football games with him while he was in a wheelchair says that this girl stands by her man.

I love Anita but this review is about commemorative plates, it’s not about the character of the person whose image is on the plate. At $45 dollars, which can be billed by the Home Shopping Network as 36 monthly payments at zero percent interest, you are looking at a mere $1.25 per month.

The best part about the Anita Baker Commemorative Plate is that you can put cupcake ingredients on her face and walk it down to your corner bake shop and hand it on over while saying: “I’d like a cupcake. But Anita Baker.”

4. Richard Marx Gilded Edges Trencher

A “trencher” was originally a piece of bread that could be used as a plate in medieval times. It was typically white bread.

Richard Marx has endorsed a hardened medieval loaf of bread that can be sliced and used as plateware. The manufacturers of the Marx Trencher suggest that once purchased, it should be left at arms length on your bedside table for those evenings when you feel like holding on to the night.

The edges are gilded in glitter and taste horrible. In a press release from Richard Marx’s people he has told people that have tried to put the edges of the trencher in their mouths that they should (a) “contact Alan Thicke” and (b) “Should have known better.”

3. The Max Headroom Plate

As a reviewer of commemorative plates for just under a decade now, I am proud that I do not review plates that I have not purchased and placed in my own collection.

That being said, there was a very limited Max Headroom plate that was released this year by Coca-Cola, with artwork by Charles Rocket. I do not own this plate, but my friend Jacques Bombardier collected one at “le marche” in Nice and I was more than happy to have him tell us about it.

Here is Jacques in his own words:

“I have been having this plate for three weeks now. It is not good for food. The paint had been chipping in heatings but it makes for a great surface for chopping up powdered drugs.”

2. The Pontiac Lemans 2016 Plate

There are many things to say about the Pontiac Lemans. Pontiac designer David Crollo was faced with a challenge to design a vehicle that was sassy and could take your money. He wanted to re-name his design for his ex-wife Diane, which the Pontiac company did not really think was a good car name.

This plate features an image of the car in the middle of the plate.

After pressure from the corporate figureheads, he named it “Lemans” which is a Spanish word that means “Pre-nuptial agreement.”

The Lemans went on to be the best selling automobile that could also explode during family and class reunions. And the plate is wonderful. It has ridges that are made to collect brown gravy.

1. The Sandi Patti Platter

When Amy Grant was doing drugs on naked beaches back in the early nineties and Petra was getting turned away from flights because of their “Christian Leaves” in their carry-ons, Sandi Patti was turning out great Christian Adult Contemporary hits.

I know this sounds kinky, but the Sandi Patti Platter boasts robust measurements, with plate edges that measure 34–26–34. In silver comic sans font, around the edge of the plate there are twenty different international translations for “I Love You.”

I don’t know how “commemorative” one could consider the Sandi Platter, as out of all of the winners this year, this is the plate that you want to eat food from.

Here is just an inside lefty tip: when tackling a Patti Platter of seasoned beef tips, to best acclimate the sinister hand placement of knife and fork, start out with “Ani ohevet othka” at the three-o-clock position and work your way through it.

Conclusion

All of these plates are wonderful. I implore you to choose the one that best fits your needs.